Being Stuck in a Rut Can Actually Be A Godsend

Sun ready to set on Bled

Hi there. How have you all been? I know, I know... I didn't keep my word on doing a monthly appreciation post like I said at the start of the year. 
You may be wondering what's my excuse this time. Well... To be brutally honest, I was just not feeling it. It is shocking, I know and even the present me cannot believe how I left behind what gave me such good energy (and this includes editing video clips I took during my travels). But yeah... I was SO unmotivated.
After March, April happened. The month was rocky and then went downhill. At the start, I was still fighting for the little hope that I had left but I began to feel like I was stuck in a rut; all thanks to my imperfect human nature of comparing myself to others. I compared myself to these people who are successful in their field and who were earning the big money. I even remember two of them saying they wish they earn more than what they currently have and it shattered me. It shattered me because even if you take half of their annual income, they'd still be earning more than I do! This took a toll on me.
I mentally punished myself for not being able to earn as much and not doing grandiose things. I used to love my job and I looked forward to going to work every day. But after that, I was so demotivated and it was because of the money. I was in this rut for weeks and it was eating me alive. But I somehow mustered the courage to open up to my seastars and my DCUFam. They talked sense into me and encouraged me. One of my DCUFam told me to 'never compare yourself with others. Compare yourself to the old you and see if you have improved or not' and that struck a chord in me. I was also reminded that I have just graduated back in November and that my life journey is always going to be different to others.
I'm also thankful for my household as I opened up about this. I was encouraged by their kind words and was encouraged to start praying for my career again. I wanted to be able to do something that is meaningful and worthwhile, I wanted to be able to do something that brings glory to God. So I started to REALLY pray for it. I initially thought that I would be teaching English in a different country and see where God takes me from there.  But He gave me a different kind of spark that started from my reveries that turned into a fire within me.
As many (or no one) know that I find peace and happiness when creating blog posts and editing video clips. I thought about signing myself up on an evening diploma course for 10 weeks on Video Production. I actually signed up for it at the beginning of the year for the spring term that was supposed to start on April but the college had to cancel it since there were only few who signed up.  Around July I started researching again so I can sign up for the autumn term starting in September but all the information were gone. But I somehow stumbled across this masters course that is in line with video production. I really looked at this course for days to even weeks (I actually still have the tab open ever since I knew about it).
Like I said I really prayed for it and I felt that God was and still is telling me something. I have started to read reading plans on the YouVersion Bible app and every single plan just hits me to the soul.

'It will stretch you and challenge you to come out of your comfort zone and start becoming the person He desires for you to be.'

— Es (@esjaeee) August 12, 2018

'As you learn to trust in His Word and apply it to your life, you will begin to gain a level of confidence and courage that overrides any feelings of insecurity.'

— Es (@esjaeee) August 12, 2018

'God sees you and a victor. He sees you as an overcomer. He sees you as a mighty person who is going to accomplish great things in life.'

— Es (@esjaeee) August 12, 2018

As I prayed harder for my calling, the more I felt under qualified but the above gave me reassurance. Then I felt all my surroundings were giving me signs to go for it but my sceptical nature was still lingering so that my dreamer self won't be hurt in the end. Even so, I still prayed.
You see, there is this music label/collective that is coming to Europe. I have mentioned them in previous blog posts that they have been my inspiration. They gave fuel to the spark I had especially when I read their Billboard interview back in January. So yeah their tour offers a meet and greet - not only with their sole artist but actually meet and converse with the entire crew - that's if one can manage to snag a VIP ticket which is almost impossible to do as we tried so plenty of times before to get VIP tickets from previous shows from different artists). I really wanted to meet them and ask them questions about how to build your career from nothing - no money; no knowledge; just pure passion. I prayed so much for this like crazy. I asked told God that I really want to meet them and that  this encounter will help me push to pursue a reverie. On the day of the ticket release (also the same day we were flying to go to ESC 2018), I was so nervous and then prayed more and actually surrendered all to God. I said 'God, Your will; Your way. If You want me to pursue this dream and if it is meant for me, then You'll pull through. If not, let me accept this with such grace.' 
As I logged in the website with my seastars on Messenger plotting on how to execute this, I managed to get us 4 VIP tickets (and it is even in our preferred city) and I had to control the tears falling from my eyes. Me getting the tickets was as if God was saying 'Go for it, my child'. I was speechlessly happy and was ready to go to congress with an already happy heart.

Sunset by our room window during congress

And then ESC 2018 happened. Man, did God pull through. First day of congress, the first session covered about sacrificing our 3Ds to God. And when I heard the first D, tears went flowing; it was Dreams. I really did feel God wanting me to surrender my dreams to Him because He got my back and will have it sorted.

This lyrics spoke to me - as someone whose mind is fascinated with fantasy, God being my sword and my shield is so empowering.

Everything about the congress was connected to each other (well it was the case for me) and everything made sense as if every single word uttered were the words God is trying to get into my system.  I really felt like it was a push for me to make my reveries into a reality. I am truly humbled by His grace and also blessed to have spent that weekend with such amazing people.
Due to all of these events that has happened - from me being stuck in a rut to experiencing God's grace through His blessings, through SFL-Ireland and SFL Europe, I can say with conviction that we are truly #DestinedForGreatness!

Peace and Love,